if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
