I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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