i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize