sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
