Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
