those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
whose parrot is this?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
