I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
