South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
