Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
