Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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