Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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