Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
even my farts smell like vagina
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
