We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
