508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
