The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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