Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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