I wanna bring you to show and tell
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
