well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize