Cold hands, warm shart.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
