I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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