apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
