just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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