The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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