Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize