This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You ruined the universe
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
