Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Randomize
