Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
