this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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