and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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