I'm drive I can fine osifer
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
