he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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