When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's no shave November. This is our time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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