Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
