It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize