I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
