Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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