yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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