id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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