I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
