i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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