she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
