yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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