I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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