Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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