He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
