hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
