thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
