Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
