wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
