Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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