you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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