Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize