the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
