sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
3pm strippers are depressing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
