Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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