it's too hot outside to masturbate.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
