So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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