the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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