spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
