I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
