Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize