Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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