u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
