Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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