to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
