jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
