Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
