I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
