I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
