tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
