Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
