Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wear drunk well.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
