Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
