You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
