someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
