TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
