my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
