he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
