Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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