PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
