i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
