my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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