i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
