I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize