I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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