Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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