You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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