you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
