Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
