Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
