I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
