Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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