i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
