So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
