My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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