I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
