i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
