once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize