is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
