I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
