i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
