its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
