The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Randomize
