youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
