This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
